"Today, my professor talked about the dangers of drinking on Halloween. He asked us to be responsible and not drink and drive. If we aren't fit to drive, we should take a taxi. He said that if we brought in a taxi receipt, he would reimburse us - anytime, not just after Halloween. Men like him GMH."

I need to learn from this man.

Distracting himself from life
Like a smoke screen set off
He lies on her bed with his phone
Waiting endlessly for something
To come about within minutes
The excitement, joy, worries
All flow through the mind
While waiting there anxiously
For words to appear on a screen

Screens within our own hearts
Appear in the eyes of our viewers
As open as a book but as private as journal
Never to be seen but under certain circumstances
Unless he can change his ways
And lets everything go
To realize that approval isn't everything
Self consciousness restrains freedom
But life under another's control
Sometimes feels too good

Because that's all we are... and it's so beautiful...

Another in my series, don't you just love it?

Anyways, a shout out goes to my action group. Without them I wouldn't have been able to grow the strength that I have now. Which, writing this is fairly ironic because it's about courage and strength.

There are certain demons in my life that have haunted me. What they are, are more psychological rather than being anything of the physical realm. What's the deal? I can confess one of these: I don't have the balls to confront things. It's a rather funny confession too because of the job field that I'm in at school, which constantly involves me to confront people. Sometimes it's easier because I reason that these people will be transformed regardless of whether or not what I said was a good thing or not...

But in my personal life, I don't have the courage to stand up and say something that I truly believe in. It sucks because there are a few things in my life that really are in limbo right now... and it's all because I don't say anything and just move along. You know the process, pick up the pieces and go. For myself, it's probably more so that I just move along and hope/wish that someone picks up the pieces for me.

Personally, it's what makes me a complete mess.

I was having a conversation with one of my residents and I told her this, "it's like I know all the answers in my head... the problem is feeding the medicine to myself." Doing that, listening to yourself... if it's for your betterment, it's ridiculously hard to "justify" it to your inner self. While justifying doing something bad is so much easier; more than likely because I desire instant gratification rather than delayed gratification and/or instant suffering.

Maybe it's a good time to go to class. Maybe not, I have to dwell on myself for awhile.

But maybe so.

This is just a shard of who I am, that is coming to pass.

I went to my house the past weekend (yes, for those of you who are residents and do read this... surprise, I wasn't in my room at all) and took care of the house. That portion of the job wasn't very hard at all: check the mail, cook a meal for myself, clean up after myself, clean the bathtub (which strangely enough was dirty), mow the lawn, check the mail for any other important things, cash checks, etc. etc. After I finished all this I sat in the house, accomplished. Until I realized there was one tiny thing missing; I didn't have anything to do now that I finished all my work. Literally, I caught up with everything I needed to do thanks to going back home.

Sitting there, I began to think. Actually, I moved outside into the sun (because contrary to the amazing conditions in Cincinnati, it was actually really crappy in Columbus!) and pondered about life some more.

I think I relate to the verse, "What good is it if a man gains the world but loses his soul?" This would be a good "simulation" of what would happen if my life became good. I'd have a nice house, but absolutely nothing to do with it.

Actually, I'm too tired to blog right now... But I hope that gave you a slight glimpse into what I was thinking about.